Lanky's Fruit Quest
by Yoshizilla-Fan
Summary: Lanky gets so bored that he goes out to find walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells, grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells.
1. Walnuts

**Lanky's Fruit Quest**

by Yoshizilla-Fan

* * *

Lanky Kong was sitting around, bored as hell as he watched Donkey Kong eat a bunch of bananas, relaxing.

"Man, it's boring around here, especially if I have no style, or if I have no grace." Lanky Kong groaned.

"Plus, you have a funny face!" Diddy Kong stated, holding his coconut guns and firing in spurts for practice.

"At least I can handstand, when I need to, and stretch my arms out, just for you!" Lanky Kong punctuates this by doing so.

"If you so bored, why don't you inflate yourself just like a balloon?" Diddy suggested.

"A crazy Kong like me digs that tune!" Lanky remarked. "But I have another idea! One that Cranky can take to the fridge!"

A sentient refrigerator suddenly bounced by, with Cranky Kong chasing after it.

"Come back here, you dumb fridge! Not even that sometimes dumb son of mine would act like this!" Cranky yelled.

"What's your idea?" Diddy asked, ignoring the scene that just occurred.

"I'm gonna go on a fruit quest! More specifically, a quest for walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells! Also grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells!"

"Whatever. I'm staying here and helping Dixie with her bubble gum guns."

"Bubble gum is not a fruit! So therefore it, I do not suit!" Lanky rhymed, before pulling out a helium rank and putting the nozzle on his mouth, blowing himself up just like a balloon, beginning his quest for walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells, grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells.

* * *

Meanwhile, Tiny Kong was browsing through Candy Kong's music store, both female Kongs having their latest character designs, Tiny Kong having her Diddy Kong Racing DS redesign and Candy having her DK Jungle Climb design.

"You've got some nice tunes here, Candy."

"Why thanks, Tiny." Candy stated.

"Why did you ever decide to run a music shop, Candy?" Tiny asked.

Candy rubbed the back of her head. "Well, it's kind of personal...you see-"

Candy was interrupted when Tiny farted loudly, her gas puffing up the back of her blue jeans, making her butt appear bigger as Tiny blushed.

"Oh my! That was embarrassing!" Tiny gasped. "Maybe those bananas were a bad idea..." she covered her face in embarrassment, her butt blasting a deep pitched fart that sounded like a saxophone, which only added to her gassy embarassment.

Candy chuckled. "Oh, it's ok, Tiny. You're not the only one who has their own orchestra right at their posterior."

Tiny farted again as she crossed her arms, trying not to smell her sax gas. "I know. My sister sometimes rips loud ones too. And you know how Cranky can get with this."

"No, I mean..." Candy bent over, her hands on her butt as she ripped a loud bassy fart of her own, which puffed up her pink shorts as she giggled. "That felt good."

Tiny farted a loud poot that was not tiny at all as she gasped. "Candy! I never knew you were capable of expelling bad gas like that!"

Candy grinned, pointing her butt at Tiny and farting directly at her. "Oh, but I am. Poor Diddy had to learn the hard way not to mess with me." As Tiny wafted Candy's deep, smelly farts away, Candy placed her hand on Tiny's shoulder. "You know, I could teach you to embrace that musical gas of yours, and then maybe one day we could be our own orchestra with our butts!" Candy claimed, bumping her farting butt against Tiny's.

Tiny blushed, feeling a bit awkward about the idea. "Umm...ok?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Lanky Kong held a pair of walnuts in his hand that he found in Jungle Japes, being with Chunky Kong.

"Ok, be _one hell for a guy_ for me and break these open, will ya? Try not to be slow and don't jump too high.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Funny Face." Chunky responded.


	2. Peanuts

"Doesn't it seem pointless to go on a fruit quest?" Chunky stated, having a conversation with Lanky.

"Not if you consider what Cranky is going through."

Suddenly, a refrigerator bounced by, with Cranky chasing after it. It landed on top of Lanky's walnuts and crushed them, getting the nuts out.

"Bah! Crazy dumb kitchen appliance! Stupid excuse for a runner!" Cranky remarked as he ran by.

"Boy, my face gets funnier every time I see that." Lanky remarked.

"And boy do I get chunkier every time I help myself." Chunky patted his stomach.

Diddy came storming in, being too slow as he let Cranky and the fridge that he was taking it to get away.

"No!" Diddy screamed. "It got away again!" Diddy pulled out his peanut guns and fired them in frustration, Lanky Kong reaching out his lanky arms that gave him his name to grab them.

"Perfect! This is just what I need next! Peanuts!" Lanky stated.

* * *

Meanwhile, King K. Rool was sitting in this throne room in the Hideout Helm section of Krem Isle which was parked somewhere in the middle of the ocean, spying on the Kongs as he watched what happened in the room behind his glass monitor.

"Looks like I don't have to do anything this time. Donkey Kong and his friends seem to be having problems of their own." K. Rool stated.

"So you're just going to sit here and watch?" A random green Krembling asked.

"Yes. Not much else I can do right now anyway." K. Rool remarked.

"There's no point in making us additions to this if we're not gonna do anything, dude." A yellow haired Kasplat stated. "Shouldn't we at least aid in that old science coot's downfall?"

"Fine. You will. I'm just going to sit here and watch, like I always do." K. Rool stated, staring at the Kasplat with his severely bloodshot left eye, which creeped him out a bit.


	3. Pineapple Smells

The phone in Cranky's lab ringed while he was tinkering about, mumbling as he answered it. "What?"

"Hey, is your refrigerator running?" A yellow haired Kasplat answered, who along with a group of Kremlings and Klaptraps chuckled in the background.

"What? Who is this? Get off this line, you good for nothing bastards!" Cranky fumed as the refrigerator that he was chasing earlier bounced by.

"Hey you! Get back here!" Cranky yelled as he ran out of his lab, chasing after the fridge. "I'm gonna take it to you!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Lanky Kong and Chunky Kong were in Jungle Japes as Chunky fired a duo of Pineapples above Lanky, both of which made splats against a wall near some foliage.

"Good work, Chunky! You may move slow, sure you can't jump high, but you are one hell of a guy when it comes to helping me!" Lanky stated, picking up a piece of pineapple.

"Umm, how is it a fruit quest if we're just hanging about, having fun?" Chunky asked.

"Oh have a sense of adventure, Chunky! We just ran past a ton of baddies to get here! Me, myself, and my funny face kicked Krembling keister out there today!"

Chunky rubbed his head. "Oh yeah. We did."

"And when I stretch my arms out, just for you, I find fruits!"

Suddenly a loud fart was heard from inside the jungle foliage, much to the surprise of Lanky and Chunky as several trees fall over, revealing that Tiny Kong had farted the trees to the ground.

"Oops, sorry boys! I didn't mean to interrupt your play time!" Tiny remarked as she bent over, letting out loud farts that caused Lanky and Chunky to gasp as they stepped back to avoid getting blasted. "Candy Kong is teaching me to embrace my farts and use them properly! She's such a good butt player!"

Suddenly the ground shook from a loud and brassy fart, which turned out to come from Candy Kong, who grabbed her butt and expelled as much of her smelly fumes as possible, the deep pitched sound causing several Klaptraps to retreat.

"That was a good one!" Candy stated, another deep pitched fart puffing up her pink shorts. "Be careful boys! My farts don't smell my candy!"

"No, but I wish they did!" Chunky stated, wafting the air.

Lanky was also wafting the air of Tiny's farts, though vigorously with his long, lanky arms. "Phew! I wanted pineapple smells! Not butt smells!" Lanky stated, having a funny face as he tried not to smell her gas. "Damn, Tiny! Your farts are huge!"

"Tiny did several poses, farting a deep, brassy toot with each one, all of which puffed up her blue pants." Yup! If you choose me, you'll not choose wrong, with a pose and a fart, I'm one tough Kong!" she stuck her butt out, releasing a huge fart so deep in pitch that several creatures in the background ran away as a brown stain appeared on Tiny's very puffed up pants. "Oopsies!"

"Don't worry, Tiny. That happens." Candy told her, ripping a cute, brassy poot.

"Come on, Chunky. Let's move on." Lanky stated as he started heading out of Jungle Japes to find more fruit that would help cure his boredom, using his lanky arms to move as usual as Chunky followed him, the two of them holding pineapple chunks near their noses, using the pineapple smells to help get Tiny's and Candy's fart smells out of their senses.


	4. Grapes

In the Angry Aztecs stage, Lanky Kong was shooting grapes with his Grape Shooter at several Squawks in the air from the area near Funky's Armory, each of them getting shot by Lanky's grapes and being stunned by them.

"Lookin' good with that aim, Lanky!" Funky Kong commented, appearing next to him, wearing his camouflage costume with a missile launcher strapped to his back along with wearing his red glasses, rather than his usual white shirt, blue shorts, and shades. "Remember, if you ever need to reload, you know where to find me, dude!"

"Thanks, but for your information, I found these grapes!" Lanky stated.

"You found them, eh? How did you do so?" Funky asked.

_A flashback occured in which Lanky was roaming through Fungi Forest, finding a grape tree next to some medium sized mushrooms._

_"Hmm...that's odd." Lanky rubbed his chin with his lanky arms. "Why would a forest filled with mushrooms have grapes growing in it?"_

_Meanwhile, a purple haired Kasplat was watching from behind a large mushroom, a Big Klaptrap being with him._

_"Ha! That poor Kong is confused because of that grape tree that I planted! What a lanky lutz!"_

_"Lanky lutz? That's a new one. Very alliterate, too!" The Big Klaptrap commented. "But wouldn't have it made more sense for us to actually boobytrap the tree or something?"_

_"D'oh!" The purple haired Kasplat cursed as he facepalmed, adjusting his shades._

_Lanky looked around, thinking he heard something, prompting the two purple enemies to hide. "Anyone there?"_

_After a while, Lanky shrugged and started picking the grapes for his grape shooter. "Who needs Funky's when I got a grape tree right here?"_

"Pretty bizzare, eh?" Lanky stated.

"I'll say." Funky agreed. "But cut me some slack, Lanky-dude! If you wanted ammo, you could of just visited me! Not like you'll ever clean me out of that."

"I know, but that wouldn't be as much fun! I wouldn't be taking it to the fridge like Cranky if I depended on you all the time."

Funky shrugged. "Guess so. You got nerve, Lanky! I like it."

It was then that the refrigerator bounced by, with Cranky chasing after it.

"Stop getting down and get up and help me catch this fridge, you dumb simians!" Cranky yelled as he slowly went by, using his cane.

"You need to chill, gramps! Best that you don't spend your last days chasing kitchen appliances!" Funky stated.

"Just because you sell things that hurt other creatures, don't expect any more treatment than my lazy, stubborn son and his friends!" Cranky commented.

Funky crossed his arms. "Whatever takes it to the fridge, old Cranky-dude."

"Shut the funk up!" Cranky cursed, believing that the pun was intended.


	5. Melons

"Thanks for the melons, Candy!" Lanky Kong stated, being at Candy's Music Store in the Crystal Caves area,

"Sure thing, Lanky!" Candy stated, holding two melons up to her chest. "Anything for my favorite, long armed orangutan."

"Thanks for the compliment, but really I'm just here for the fruits." Lanky stated, grabbing the melons with his lanky arms.

Lanky walked outside, before a loud earthquake suddenly shook the area, several large stalactites falling from the ceiling, much to Lanky's surprise.

"What the hell?" Lanky gasped as he lost his balance and fell into the nearby water. "I thought Tiny already dealt with that giant Kosha!"

"Oh, she did." A normal size Kosha stated.

"Then what is causing these earthquakes this time?" Lanky asked, rubbing his head with his lanky left arm.

* * *

Meanwhile at the virtually inaccessible ceiling area of the Crystal Caves, Tiny was unleashing several loud farts that not only puffed up the back of her pants, but shook the entire cavern and caused stalactites to fall from the ceiling.

"How ironic...that I'm now the one responsible for these tremors and falling debris!" Tiny gasped, giggling as she continued farting brassy poots that continued to shake the cavern and make debris fall on top of poor Lanky, who was trying to protect himself and his melons from the fall debris that resulted from Tiny's huge farts.


	6. Oranges

Lanky Kong and Chunky Kong were chucking Orange Grenades at each other in the grassy section of the first Monkey Smash Multiplayer Stage of Donkey Kong 64.

"Hey Chunky, how come all the oranges we ever find are Grenades?" Lanky asked him, missing Chunky with an Orange Grenade.

"Because there are a lot of Big Klaptraps and Klumps out there. And we need to be able to beat them at their own game!" Chunky stated.

"Plus there is me!" Krusha exclaimed, the navy blue anthropomorphic crocodile holding his signature Orange Grenade gun and pointing them at the Kongs.

"Krusha, what are you doing here?" Chunky gasped.

"This is the only role they would give me for this game with its crappy rap song!" Krusha stated. "So now, It's time for you to eat my Oranges!"

Krusha fired an Orange Grenade at the two Kongs, both of whom dodged it as the sentient fridge was hit, causing it to explode as Cranky caught up with its remains, looking at the blast mark.

"Pah! Good riddance!" Cranky flicked his wrinkly right paw. "Of course, now I can't take it to the fridge because you blew it up!" Cranky exclaimed. "Damn you, Krushas! Damn you all to hell!"

"Ooh, oranges!" Tiny Kong gasped, feeling hungry as her stomach growled, grabbing one and putting it in her mouth, the other Kongs screaming no as she did, but alas it was too late as Tiny Kong swallowed the Orange Grenade.

"You feminine fool!" Cranky yelled. "Donkey Kong Countey didn't turn 20 years old for you to swallow a freakin' Orange Grenade!"

Tiny gawked, feeling the grenade explode in her stomach as she felt bloated, burping up smoke as she gasped. "Oh my!" She burped loudly again, the other Kong facepalming themselves while Krusha couldn't help but laugh at this.

"Man, 20 years of Kong crushing, and it was all worth it for this!" Krusha chuckled.

"Oh shut up you overgrown-BRRRRAAAAAAPPP-blue crocodile!" Tiny fumed, the Orange Grenade having filled her up greatly with gas as she felt her stomach rumbling.

"Pah! And to think there could have been real oranges in the fridge that I never took it to!" Cranky scoffed.

All of a sudden, it started raining real non-grenade oranges from the sky, all of them having survived the destruction of the fridge that Cranky never took anything to.

"Oh boy! Real oranges!" Lanky exclaimed, hopping around in excitement, his funny face having a funny, yet happy expression on it as Chunky also hopped in excitement, not hopping high, yet being one hell of a guy for doing so as he and Lanky grabbed some real oranges and took bites out of them, sucking them down.

"Yay! Real fruit!" Tiny claimed, before her stomach growled loudly as she had a bad feeling in her bowels. "Uh oh...looks like the grenade is catching up to me from the other end!" Tiny farted loudly, a smelly puff of smoke blasting its way out of Tiny's huge butt that vibrated from the fart as the back of her light blue pants were puffed up by the gas, the other Kongs groaning from the smell.

"Pah! I was too old for this 20 years ago!" Cranky fumed as he slowly walked away from the arena, waving the awful smell of Tiny's farts away.

"Still worth the wait!" Krusha claimed, dropping his Orange Grenade Launcher and laughing his blue reptilian butt off, only for the weapon to suddenly explode, killing him off and out of the Multiplayer stage.

"Geez, Tiny! Your farts sure don't live up to your name!" Chunky stated, implying that Tiny's farts were huge, as were how bad they smelled.

"I'm sorry! Me and my big butt can't help it!" Tiny innocently stated, waving the air around her butt as she continued ripping loud blasts of grenade smoke induced flatulence.

"Come on, Chunky! Let's get out of here before my face isn't the only thing that's funny." Lanky stated, doing a handstand because he needed to and OrangSprinted away, with Chunky following him although not being able to keep up with Lanky due to the fact that he may move slow, especially since he had a pile of oranges in his arms to enjoy with Lanky later.

"Oh well. At least I too can benefit from this fruit craze that Lanky has got goin' on!" Tiny shrugged, biting and sucking on an orange as she let out more saxophone toned farts, not bearing mind to her nasty flatulence at all as she was too busy enjoying the citrus taste of her orange.


	7. Coconut Shells

Chunky Kong punched a coconut tree, a coconut landing on his head as it cracked into two shells as stars revolved around Chunky's head, the last member of the DK crew becoming dazed.

"You make gathering coconuts seem such a breeze." Lanky commented.

"Yeah, too bad I'm only one heck of a guy." Chunky stated, before going unconscious.

"Hey, just because Smash butchered our rap doesn't make you any less of a hell of a guy." Lanky stated. "Come on, Cranky! Take it to the fridge!" Lanky announced.

Suddenly, as if on cue, Cranky came in, riding on top of another sentient fridge. "I already did, you funny-faced ape!"

Lanky placed the coconut shells inside the fridge, which now had Walnuts, Peanuts, Pineapple Smells, Grapes, Melons, Oranges and Coconut Shells inside.

"And so ends your stupid, pointless quest for fruit." Cranky remarked. "Most of the time all you did was play around with your fruit like a bunch of crazy kids!"

"Hey, don't be so cranky, Cranky!" Lanky teased.

"Yeah. That one never gets old." Cranky mumbled. "And of course, that tiny she-ape and her loud rackety friend have been tooting their stupid horns the whole time!"

"Yeah, that sure gave me a funny face." Lanky remarked.

"And it made me one hell of a guy!" Chunky claimed, waking up from his coma.

"Pah. Whatever you say."

Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong suddenly stormed in out of excitement.

"Hey guys! Tiny and Candy found a whole bunch of fruits deep within the jungle." Diddy announced.

"Wanna come along?" Donkey asked.

"Do we ever!" Lanky stated.

"A bunch of fruits? Sounds like one hell of a bunch!" Chunky stated.

That said, Lanky and Chunky both stormed off with Donkey and Diddy, with the fridge following after them.

"Finally, some peace and serenity." Cranky stated, walking into his lab, which was stationed nearby.

**THE END**


End file.
